Vanilla Swirl

I recently was asked a few good questions, which I will attempt to answer here.

Q. Your relation with your Keyholder seems to contain vanilla moments as well as intense punishments. Are these different relationship modes, or is your Keyholder in charge all the time?

A. She's in charge all the time. That doesn't mean she does everything. In fact, she delegates much responsibility to me. But she has the final say, as she has the power in the relationship – power I have freely given her. 

The contrast is evident when I go on dates with other women. My Keyholder allows me to date, and the dynamics are markedly different in the dates I've been on, when I've "been in charge." I'm still respectful, chivalrous, etc., but I act more like "this is what we're doing, is that okay?" versus, with my Keyholder, "what would you like to do, Ma'am?" I also have to throttle back my trained-in desire to serve, lest I come off too, I don't know – strange to a vanilla girl. Decision making is another area of difference: in a vanilla date I'm expected to make most, if not all of the decisions. It gets tiring. I actually like the comfort of my Keyholder's decision-making, and I like the fact she's the one in charge.

That being said, there are still relationships modes. One can't be a whip-wielding femme fatale all the time. Sooner or later, real life takes over. The shift between these modes is one of the trickiest things to pull off in a D/s relationship. There is definitely a relaxed "friend" mode, which is actually about 80% of the time, if I were to quantify it. Even in friend mode, though, I'm fetching drinks, and generally doing what she tells me to do. It's not like she's going to say, "get me some water," and I'm going to say "no." I don't think I could even say no at this point.

Sometimes, there is a very formal "slave" mode (I'd say 10% of the time). In case you're keeping track, the other 10% is probably something in between formal and casual. We usually communicate this pretty well, and we've known each other long enough to know which is which. Sometimes, however, I've been caught in between modes, being cheeky and overstepping my bounds (to my derriere's misfortune). For a newer relationship, one way I've found to solve this in the past is to use a collar (or any symbolic item) to designate more formal "slave" modes. But, with my Keyholder, I think we're beyond needing that, though it's still fun to wear that collar:)

Q. Are the punishment canings primarily means to correct unwanted behavior, or are they about inflicting pain for your Keholder’s pleasure? In other words, can you avoid punishment canings by being a perfect slave?

A. My Keyholder is (thankfully) not a sadist (I don't think). She's told me on more than one occasion that she does not enjoy punishing me. Though she does enjoy my reactions, and the results it gets. So, in answer to your question, the canings are for correction and obedience almost exclusively. She does do "maintenance" canings, not nearly as hard, in the mornings sometimes. This is just to remind me of my place. I'm strange about pain. I don't consider myself a masochist, but I do enjoy the endorphin rush, and the subspace it can put me in. I enjoy "after" the pain, not the pain itself. I don't seek out punishment canings, and yes, I can avoid them by being a perfect slave.