Tuesday, August 20, 2013

Improving the Self

Over the past two of years, one of the biggest changes that I've had is physically. I attribute this to my Keyholder's encouragement.

Three years ago, I was soft, got up to 200 lbs on my 6' frame, and it wasn't muscle, let me tell you. I had told myself that if I ever got to 200, I would just quit eating. Well, that didn't work out so well. I was going to the gym, but I was still not getting the results I wanted. Then, I discovered bodyweight training.

I started a program called Tacfit Commando by RMax, sort of like crossfit, or p90x, though it's much more sane (you can google it). It's perfect. You go through sane progressions, you don't get injured, you slowly build your way up to doing things you couldn't do mere months ago, you get fit. Without leaving the house. Without paying for a gym. Without excuses. I went through the whole 9 month cycle. Twice. I'm not going to say it was easy; it wasn't. The high intensity workouts are brutal, and you really have to push yourself. But the results are worth it. I got down to 170 lbs., then worked my way back up to 180-ish (through supplements) to get bigger. I don't care about the weight, I care about being healthy, being strong, and looking good for my Keyholder. I want to give her something she can be proud of, after all. My body is a playground for her, and I want her to have fun! The side benefit, of course, is I'm healthy, I feel great, etc.

It's not perfect, though. I could get much leaner foregoing beer (my precious beer!), eating better, etc. Every once in a while, I'll go on a strict diet and lean up, just to hone my body, to master my will. After all, how can I offer obedience to my Keyholder without first mastering myself? But normally, just the workouts are enough to keep me looking decent.

The point of all this, is this: if you're going to be "kept" man, be the best one you can be. I couldn't abide presenting a slothful, out of shape body to my Keyholder. I want to give her the best, and if that means disciplining myrself to work out every day in some capacity, so be it. My keyholder will thank me for it. And so will my body.


Monday, August 19, 2013

Vanilla Swirl

I recently was asked a few good questions, which I will attempt to answer here.

Q. Your relation with your Keyholder seems to contain vanilla moments as well as intense punishments. Are these different relationship modes, or is your Keyholder in charge all the time?

A. She's in charge all the time. That doesn't mean she does everything. In fact, she delegates much responsibility to me. But she has the final say, as she has the power in the relationship – power I have freely given her. 

The contrast is evident when I go on dates with other women. My Keyholder allows me to date, and the dynamics are markedly different in the dates I've been on, when I've "been in charge." I'm still respectful, chivalrous, etc., but I act more like "this is what we're doing, is that okay?" versus, with my Keyholder, "what would you like to do, Ma'am?" I also have to throttle back my trained-in desire to serve, lest I come off too, I don't know – strange to a vanilla girl. Decision making is another area of difference: in a vanilla date I'm expected to make most, if not all of the decisions. It gets tiring. I actually like the comfort of my Keyholder's decision-making, and I like the fact she's the one in charge.

That being said, there are still relationships modes. One can't be a whip-wielding femme fatale all the time. Sooner or later, real life takes over. The shift between these modes is one of the trickiest things to pull off in a D/s relationship. There is definitely a relaxed "friend" mode, which is actually about 80% of the time, if I were to quantify it. Even in friend mode, though, I'm fetching drinks, and generally doing what she tells me to do. It's not like she's going to say, "get me some water," and I'm going to say "no." I don't think I could even say no at this point.

Sometimes, there is a very formal "slave" mode (I'd say 10% of the time). In case you're keeping track, the other 10% is probably something in between formal and casual. We usually communicate this pretty well, and we've known each other long enough to know which is which. Sometimes, however, I've been caught in between modes, being cheeky and overstepping my bounds (to my derriere's misfortune). For a newer relationship, one way I've found to solve this in the past is to use a collar (or any symbolic item) to designate more formal "slave" modes. But, with my Keyholder, I think we're beyond needing that, though it's still fun to wear that collar:)

Q. Are the punishment canings primarily means to correct unwanted behavior, or are they about inflicting pain for your Keholder’s pleasure? In other words, can you avoid punishment canings by being a perfect slave?

A. My Keyholder is (thankfully) not a sadist (I don't think). She's told me on more than one occasion that she does not enjoy punishing me. Though she does enjoy my reactions, and the results it gets. So, in answer to your question, the canings are for correction and obedience almost exclusively. She does do "maintenance" canings, not nearly as hard, in the mornings sometimes. This is just to remind me of my place. I'm strange about pain. I don't consider myself a masochist, but I do enjoy the endorphin rush, and the subspace it can put me in. I enjoy "after" the pain, not the pain itself. I don't seek out punishment canings, and yes, I can avoid them by being a perfect slave. 

Friday, August 16, 2013

A Good Week / Clock Reset

I had a good, fun week with my Keyholder. After a couple of days of spending quality time together, we were settling in for a languid, indulgent afternoon nap. Things got amorous, and she allowed me to make love to her, slowly, sensuously, as she likes it. To my surprise, she whispered those words which I long to hear: "come for me." And boy, did I. It is always wonderful to feel that connection with her. Afterwards, we cuddled for a bit, then went on with our day – a dinner and a movie date.

The next day, I did my intense workout that comes every four days. It was an out-of-breath super-intense workout that leaves me in a puddle on the floor. After I washed up, my Keyholder massaged and kneaded my muscles back into shape. Then, we settled in for another nap, and one thing led to another. We kissed and made love again, and she allowed me to come, again. We had perfectly matched intense orgasms – I had the kind that makes you want to collapse into sleep for an hour. We had a party to go to, so it was not to be. But, I feel very good about having been allowed to come twice in as many days. After the party – at which my Keyholder was accosted and kissed by a woman – when we arrived back home, my Keyholder had me kneel and give her oral for a bit. Then we drifted off to bed. What a rough day!

My Keyholder joked that she was "the worst domme ever," as she'd been massaging me and allowing me release and taking me out to dinners all week. I don't know about that – I think she's a pretty good domme. All I know is I'm the luckiest slave ever...

Wednesday, August 14, 2013

Pain is Just Impertinence Leaving the Body

Lots of action, lots to tell, so let's get to it.

Where I left things off, I'd just been mercilessly teased on the Venus for hour(s?). The next day, I discovered I was a bit chafed "down there," like I hadn't been since I was a teenager. Overuse, and all. The head was a bit tender to the touch, but I had a full-blown session to take part in the next day, so I soldiered on.
At last, my Keyholder came over later in the day. It was very good to see her, as it always is. We relaxed in each other's company, caught up, etc. But eventually, she set into motion the plans she had.

The first item on the agenda was my punishment. I'd been racking up cane strokes left and right over the past week, mostly for "whining" or being somewhat bratty. Annoying, in any case; earlier, my Keyholder would tell me "that's 5 more" after such incidents. Well, I'd gathered 40 of them by the time Monday rolled around. She had me get the large rattan cane, and the smaller, whippier plastic (rubber?) one. She put me up against the wall, in position, hands on the wall, ass sticking out, and began. These were punishment strokes, and she did not go easy. To say that it hurt would be an understatement. I was soon sweating the fear out of my body, and mustering all self control I had to stay in position and not blubber. I must have whined again, for she added five. It was the worst (best?) caning I'd had in a long time. By 10, I was gritting my teeth. By 20, I was howling. She switched to the plastic cane, which stings much more, but does not thud like the rattan one. It took forever, and no time. All I remember is that at 45, I was a blubbering mess, kneeling on the floor, bathing her feet with my tears. I thanked her for my correction, and kissed her feet. [Ed. My whining has markedly decreased]. I went and showered, readying myself for round two.

Then, she had me ready the Venus-2000. I was very deep in subspace by now, and completely pliant. She placed me on my knees, sitting on my shins/feet, with a yoke on (a tight metal contraption that holds the neck and wrists together in front of you). My ass stung and pulsed from the caning. She bound what needed to be bound to get me helpless, and set to work on the Venus. After some fiddling with it, it clamped on to my penis, and began pumping rhythmically, relentlessly, mercilessly.

It was tough. It was a hard position to hold for a length of time. A disclaimer: I was so deep in subspace that I don't know if this took 5 minutes or 50 minutes. In any case, the position of sitting on my legs got more and more difficult to hold. There were a dozen little pains that took my attention away from the pleasure that the machine was delivering. A rope biting here, the hard, unforgiving clamp of the metal yoke, a cramp in my foot, my tenderized ass rubbing against me. It was more torture than pleasure. I didn't know what my Keyholder had in mind, and I was too zonked out in subspace to know or ask. I felt like I wasn't giving her what she wanted, which (I thought) was me moaning in pleasure on the edge of coming instead of moaning in pain at the difficulty of holding the position for such an extended time. In any case, she eventually let me down, and had me crawl into bed, where I pleasured her at her whim. I ended up not coming (of course), exhausted and asleep in her arms. Not a bad place to be.

The next day, we took it easy. My ass still hurt, the fires stoked by a maintenance caning, and another few strokes of punishment for mild impertinence. We had a wonderful time, doing boyfriend/girlfriend stuff, no one suspecting that this lovely woman with me had reddened my buns so.

p.s.
We've put the contract on an informal hold, for now, for those that have been wondering...

Sunday, August 11, 2013

Mechanical Devices

Tonight, my Keyholder put me through a trial run of the Venus-2000 milking machine. This was remotely accomplished, just to try out the device. After spending a good hour plus in it at various speeds, I can tell you it is quite intense. We had a long conversation, collaborated on some writings, and she, of course, teased me, all while this machine was running, sucking like a lamprey at my gentlemen's area. I, of course, was not allowed to come, a task most difficult on the "high" setting, I assure you.

But this was only a trial run. Tomorrow is when the fun begins. I'll get to see my Keyholder for the first time in nearly a week, and she's going to use that machine on me. And the off switch won't be in my reach, I can pretty much surmise. Stay tuned...

Monday, August 5, 2013

Yet another Wonderful Weekend

Just got back from another wonderful weekend with my Keyholder. It started off with some kinkaliscious activities, seeing a demonstration of some rope-tying techniques. We didn't participate, but just watched. I'm a pretty lucky guy for her to take me to something like this. That night, she allowed me to pleasure her. I, of course, didn't get to come, though I desperately wanted to. The important thing was that she was satisfied.
The rest of the weekend we spent together, eating, drinking, have fun, relaxing. Even in a so-called 24/7 relationship, it's not all whips and chains – there's plenty of "vanilla" time. I enjoy these times, and there is plenty os submissive things one can do in public, such as open doors, carry bags, fetch drinks. It's just old-fashioned chivalry, in my book, but it seems like it's in short supply these days.
She's promised to use the Venus milking machine in the near future. I can't wait to try it out!